Just as most of us are better at talking than listening, most personal development discourse is more adept at setting goals than finding them. They advocate building your motivation to achieve a goal over questioning the motivation behind that goal. There’s no dialectic for asking if we really want what we want. The rhetoric of self-confidence prevents us from asking whether we’re getting ahead on the wrong road.
Escaping the busy trap
In busy environments, it’s easy to confuse acting with reacting. Notice that when people respond to a request with something along the lines of, “I’ve got some many things to do!”, it’s often with a deer-in-headlights expression. Purposeful action requires cycles of repose and reflection.
Action is conspicuous, purpose is not. In the age of conspicuous production, actions give instant gratification. Purpose, when it’s not framed as a “mission statement,” is an ongoing, developing conversation with the self. No statement can automate an authentic life. Purpose has to be revisited and reassessed as we acquire experience.
When reassessing direction, it’s essential to get out of any busy environment, whether that involves leaving the office or leaving your laptop. The fewer things in the external environment you have competing for your attention, the easier it becomes to discern what really has your attention. One question you can use to distinguish between distractions and authentic touchstones is:
What am I ignoring?
Examining the negative space of the life and goals you’ve defined for yourself is one of the fastest ways to achieve perspective. It’s also one of the most emotionally difficult. This catalytic question puts issues that might otherwise be glossed over in the front and center of your attention. Instead of mentioning “I don’t spend enough time with friends” in passing, as a casualty of some ostensibly worthier goal, the observation gets framed as an issue in its own right.
When I started Tools for Thought, I had no intention of writing primarily about productivity. At some point during the Pattern Language for Productivity series, the productivity theme became a mental loop that I’m only beginning to escape by looking at what topics I’m ignoring. I had to pull myself out of the blogosphere and start writing offline in order to listen to my inner voice.
“What am I ignoring?” is a process of creative questioning that provides a reality check against the widget-cranking mentality that militates against reflection and change in direction. It’s a good question to ask any time, in the middle of any consideration.
Consuming advice from an RSS reader doesn’t scale well. Even good advice in excess is indigestible. Sometimes it’s better to step back and question your assumptions rather than fill the void with answers from others — including mine.
Technorati Tags: Thinking Operations
6 responses so far ↓
1 Vered
// Jun 25, 2008 at 11:54 pm
“Do we really want what we want?”
It’s a great question, and one that - indeed - is not often asked.
2 Doug Toft
// Jun 26, 2008 at 1:48 pm
Another thoughtful post. Your question—do we really want what we want?—can be as powerful as a Zen koan.
As a freelance writer and editor, I work with clients who stated purpose is “help you get what you want.” They assume that getting you want will make you happy.
However, our wants are infinite and contradictory. And, we are notoriously poor predictors of what will make us happy in the future. Check out the book Stumbling on Happiness by Daniel Gilbert for the supporting research.
3 Andre Kibbe
// Jun 26, 2008 at 5:17 pm
@Vered: True (he said, agreeing with himself). People can spend way too much energy pursuing things without questioning the authenticity behind the desire. Trent on The Simple Dollar has blogged about his Ten Second Rule to avoid unnecessary purchases. Before following through on an impulse buy, you spend 10 seconds dwelling on the question, “Do I really want it?”
@Doug: A koan — that’s a great way to think of it. I’ve always used “catalysts” or “creative questions,” but I never thought about their relationships to Zen Koans.
Stumbling on Happiness is on my reading list. I’ve wanted to read that one for a while.
4 Robby Kilwy
// Jun 26, 2008 at 9:50 pm
Thank you.
5 karynp
// Jun 27, 2008 at 8:45 am
Goals by their very nature are exclusive - seeking to achive in one area of our lives means focus. Which means exclusion or possibly even sacrifice in another. Add into the mix not only our desire for action, but also worship of success that others can see, and you have significant potential for inadvertantly ending up quite a long way down the wrong road before you notice the signposts (the negative space that has appeared where your friends used to be!) Very thought provoking post.
6 Andre
// Jun 27, 2008 at 5:06 pm
@karynp: Good observation. That’s the real trick — to know when to wear blinders to pursue goals singlemindedly, and when to take them off to survey how those goals fit in the landscape of well being.
Leave a Comment